The original intent of my project was much like all my others “to tell a story”. However the original story I went out to shoot had complications. Being unable to shoot at the hospital or being able to afford the whiskey known as Van Winkle were two major portions of the original project structure, but much like unforeseen problems have in the past (Dustin Hoffman saying “I’m walking here” as a New York Taxi driver drove through the barricaded street on to a set and almost hit the actor he held character and coined a line for the ages) I believe the outcome was greater then its original intent. Most everything I shoot still or moving is shot in a way that I believe shows beautiful realism, to most this is depressing take on the real but to me it’s the beauty of pain and torment. As far as being a friend, responsible, rational, or even a coherent being goes the subject isn’t the best example. To his credit however he has the ability to reveal emotion in ways that I find to be truly unique. The shoot took place over a ten hour period where the subject was no more then himself, enraged and saddened by the hand he has been dealt of recent and copping it with the only way he knows how. Starting the day with shots on an almost closed aperture F 22 I set up an ellipsoidal light spotlighting only the sections of the action I wanted reveled. This gave me four shouts that placed the model in an almost void darkness as he showed the beginning of his attempt his turmoil. The black to me also represented his feeling that he was truly alone in his current struggle leaving him to fall back on his only consistent friend whisky. The next segment took place in my restroom and was entirely based on shutter speed, this was shot out of the timeline in the story because I thought it was best to get the difficult shots that relied on the models ability to stand still and or hit marks in his movement before he “identified with the character he represented so well that he would be unable to stop from swaying”. These shots were a lot of hit and miss and generating random ideas that I thought would express inner turmoil. During this process one of the more interesting shots that occurred was one where eyes became almost entirely glassed over and didn’t reveal the pupil. The original idea was an attempt to black out his eyes by using the slow shutter speed and capturing his pupil multiple times, in fact the reverse happened the movement removed almost all color from his eyes an gave his eyes a more metallic or silver look. The desired emotion I wanted the audience to feel was reached but from a different outcome. The next shoot was my favorite and made me long for a magical motion camera that can pull out color and blackness the way a night shot with a slow shutter speed can. This portion of the project was designed to show the viewer that there is a portion of self-destruction that the subject enjoys otherwise why commits such detrimental behavior. The subject is placed against the backdrop of the city and its lights and using the shutter in some instances almost seems to be in a dream as lights and shadow hold him in an almost god like state. This was the desired outcome for the look of the pictures. This was to be followed by the aforementioned shoot showing the crash from this high and I hoped the juxtaposition of these segments would draw more shock and reaction from the viewer. The final shoot of the project took place in the ruins of an old building in town. Much like his surroundings the subjects time of being useful and in working condition have passed I wanted to leave this portion as dark as possible concentrating on shadow to no longer hold him in her embrace but to express the subjects eminent destruction. I took a large portion of close-ups of the subjects face with changing light and shadow with the idea of putting this to a score and creating hectic shadow motion with a fade over his eyes to show the darkening of his eyes by shadow, much like pulling a blanket over a deceased persons face, or closing their eyes out of respect. In the presentation of this photo shoot I decided to make a video I made two cuts because originally the idea had came from Gnarls Barkley’s CD Saint Elsewhere I scored it to a costume mix I had made from 4 songs off that album. This proved to be more comical then moving and the viewer was driven by the words from the songs as apposed to the images, thus leading me to make another cut to Radio Heads Reckoner. This is a beautiful but is more of a ballad without words with a heavenly eeriness and I believed it was much more effective. In the end the project had some shortcomings but more then accurately represented and evoked its desired effect.
johngilliam 